yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
