butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
