Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
