Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
