He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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