Banned from zoo.
Again?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
