Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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