Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
