So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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