Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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