Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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