So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
