I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
