And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
