don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
