If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
