tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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