I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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