it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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