ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
