we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
