he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
