I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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