Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
