Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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