ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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