Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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