omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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