We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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