I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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