I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
