yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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