Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
