dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im six kinds of drunk right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
