We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
