He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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