so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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