Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
