my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I FOUND THE LEGS
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