I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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