It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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