I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
