I wish I only lived at night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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