he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
