That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
