If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
MIDGETS
????
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
