evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
