I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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