dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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