I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
