Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
