please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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