Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The best revenge is premature balding
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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