my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
