I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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