Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
