NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
