he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
