her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize