I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
