whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize