I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
