just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
