when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i would punch a child for taco bell
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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