we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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